Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize