My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
