I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i believe in u and ur pee
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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