this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
