nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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