I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
