A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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