i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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