Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
