I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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