Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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