so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
40s are totally the cure
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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