Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
