It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
