it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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