I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
