i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
