My room smells like vodka and shame
No more Irish car bombs ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
