I got chris browned last night
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
