I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
