when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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