Rock
Scissors
Fuck
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
