You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
