I want to have your abortion
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
