does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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