mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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