i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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