Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
