why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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