just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
