i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
