I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
