I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
