I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize