I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
