Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize