He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
