so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How many fucks given?
0.12846
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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