she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize