You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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