I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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