my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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