If that was your dad, he is hot
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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