shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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