hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
