I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They have beer where we have blood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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