I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
