every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
