Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
