Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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