cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
