this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
