your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
