so let's talk penis.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
