put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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