Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
