people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
