If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
