He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
