Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
