I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize