Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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