You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
