Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
