I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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