Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
