I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
